Inside out

Felt like I need a space to breath.

Even if I look okay in the outside, doesn't mean that I'm good in the inside. I just don't feel like spreading the negativity to people around me. It haunts me every time I think of you, think of us, think of how we fell in love, think of all the times we shared be it the good and the bad. Every place, every corner, there's memories with you in it. Tell me if there's a way to forget all the stuffs and not missing any single piece of it. Tell me if there's a way to accept all that happened and accept the fact that we're not together anymore. Tell me if time is the only way to heal what has broken. I am not okay, but what does it mean. Only when we're not together, that I found out you meant so much to me, that I realized the value of us being together, how much you've changed me, how much I needed someone to be there. Not physically but mentally attached. The existence of someone to lean on, to be there to give the comfort and care. There's something that can't be replaced, which is you and what you've made me believe. Knowing someone who loved me for who I am, how am I going to let go when deep down I still care so much, misses you so much and love you so much. I'm devastated inside, but what can I do? For all the time I've given my best in any relationship in life, I didn't got what I think I truly deserve. I thought I've worked hard enough, I thought that nothing can beats true love, true feelings. Why is it that has to end in such a way, a way that I never ever thought it could be, or maybe I did? I literally believed all that you said, all those promises, all those forever, and all those little stuffs that made me thought we can go till the end. I had fallen too hard on these that I am so afraid that if I bring it out from the inside, it would broke myself into pieces.

I just couldn't be positive, honestly, I feel worthless.  A better person in the future, really? I lost hope, seriously.

Let me be, I will be okay.