FML

I’m struggling so much, not knowing what is best to do and not to do. Why is that someone who claims or supposed to be the closest one could react and do things which are out of mind / insane/ unreasonable/ threatening/ guilt-tripping/ emotional sabotage? It puzzles me how you’ve been reacting and all the decisions you made that further distancing us. Do you really love me or want me to be well for who I am? Am I something that you own and have to obey to everything you said? Why is it that you never try to listen or understand where I am coming from and you are the only victim? Just because I didnt turn out to be who you wanted me to be, I am deemed as rude, disrespectful and shitty? Have you ever try to hear me out? Why do you want so much control over me and my life? Why do I need to feel bad for things that has happened? Do you really want the best for me? Home is not a place I feel safe and want to be in. Why do I need to live in so much fear at my own house? I’m tired, drained, exhausted, and in despair. You just never ever see what we see and only want things to be your way. Really really toxic as an adult and never understand why and where were coming from. 

I’m fucked up. 😢