it's hard to make decisions

I have to be better in controlling my own emotions.

I'm sorry to anyone of you if I ever offended you.

You may let me know and I'll always remind myself not to do the same thing again.

I just want to be a better person.

A tough one. Not fragile one. Haha.

After I came back from bangkok, I heard the news that we can now start applying courses in public Universities.

OMG! n i g h t m a r e. 

I even dreamed of my STPM results last night. I failed Maths. 

Walau. I sipek down in my dream as how I remember. 

Ang gong popi me more please~~~ Hahahah!

Got so frightened. 

I really cannot make up my mind so damn easily. 

I know we can apply after we get our results. 

I'm just hiding myself from facing the sad truth that the day is coming nearer and near.

The day refers to the day I have to make decision. 

I don't make decision fast. Even to choose a present takes a lot of time for me. 

I just don't want to make any kind of decisions which I'll regret in the future.

I somehow feel kinda uneasy when people ask me what courses I want to take.

The reactions given after I answered the question are always very unexpected.

some will say : huh? this one good meh? 

or: this one very normal nia wor. go for bla bla bla bla bla la.

and also : what kind of job you can do after that leh?

And I must always be prepared how to react from those reactions.

Yet I think I'm not confident enough deep down inside.

Or I can say I feel so reluctant to explain to you why this is what I want. 

At the same moment, I also think that if I am able to answer the questions perfectly, the situation will be better.

Because that symbolize that I'm standing firm on my own decisions. 

Won't be easily shaken by the words others are going to say.

Actually, I know what I'll be doing in the future have to deal with people.

And I love dealing with people. 

Mr. Felix suggested me before to try Marketing.

My best friend thinks Communications is kinda good for me or something like Public Relations.

In form6, I score the best in Economics and I like it.

To study people's behavior is always my dream since I'm young. 

But that doesn't secures me a job in M'sia.

I don't want and I'm scared of feeling lost.

And I wish I can do everything with full of passion. To do what I like and to like what I do.

At the same time, earn me and my family a 'better' living.