I’m fucked up. 😢
Sunday, March 26, 2023
FML
I’m struggling so much, not knowing what is best to do and not to do. Why is that someone who claims or supposed to be the closest one could react and do things which are out of mind / insane/ unreasonable/ threatening/ guilt-tripping/ emotional sabotage? It puzzles me how you’ve been reacting and all the decisions you made that further distancing us. Do you really love me or want me to be well for who I am? Am I something that you own and have to obey to everything you said? Why is it that you never try to listen or understand where I am coming from and you are the only victim? Just because I didnt turn out to be who you wanted me to be, I am deemed as rude, disrespectful and shitty? Have you ever try to hear me out? Why do you want so much control over me and my life? Why do I need to feel bad for things that has happened? Do you really want the best for me? Home is not a place I feel safe and want to be in. Why do I need to live in so much fear at my own house? I’m tired, drained, exhausted, and in despair. You just never ever see what we see and only want things to be your way. Really really toxic as an adult and never understand why and where were coming from.
Wednesday, July 24, 2019
Monday, April 23, 2018
To My Dear Hero: Goodbye and Hello
Dear all,
It's been awhile. Hope all of you are doing well. And if you're not, it's fine, give yourself some time. :)
2017 has been a major year and life is full of ups and downs ever since then.
2017 was an important year where I finally had the taste of how does it taste like to be an adult.
Growing up just over the night is a hell of nightmare. Life is unplanned, life is short, life is full of surprises. You really never see it coming and when it does, life doesn't give you enough time to swallow, digest and accept whatever reality hits you right at the moment.
There's so much to talked about on my 2017 and it is beyond words to describe what I've went through. I won't say I have gone through the worst, as I believe I should always feel contented with what life is giving me. Even at worst time, there are so much to be grateful for. It is because of there's so much to be grateful for that doesn't make my situation look even worse. I know, and I deeply understand that I am among the lucky ones where even at times like these, people who care shows their love to me and my family.
So, dad passed away at 30th of June, last day of the month. it's been 10 months since then.
Even so, his legacy and beliefs stay. He's been with me physically for the past 25 years and he will still be with me in my heart forever more. The departure of loved ones has taught me so much and I hope this doesn't sound too sad when we talked about departed ones.
My dad once said the stage is all yours now when I got my first permanent job at Cisco. A simple sentence but I can feel so much expectations he is putting on me just by that one simple sentence. It is time for me to shine and to continue do what I believe is the right thing to do. I always believe in spreading the positivity to people surrounding me. I try to stay away from toxic people and just focusing on people who can shed more light on me to be a better self.
The purpose of me writing this is to emphasize that we should all practice on how to deal with separation, especially to people we care. People come and go. Death is such an everyday cycle where it happens every day just like how many babies are born each day. When one is about to leave, we should learn to let go and accept rather than keep holding on, trying to keep that someone to us.
There are so many things I've learned and gained through the 18 last days with my dad.
Firstly, when one is ill, all they deeply wanted is to end this suffering as soon as they can. What hold them back is the family ties they had when they're healthy and alive. As a family member, we should support and respect the will of the patient be it to live or to end this. On my case, my dad's will to live is too strong but his organs condition are seriously not supporting his will and I turned out to be the one who decide if we shall continue to give treatment or not. That's the hardest decision I have made to date! I pray that none of you have to go through this in life. Just because we selfishly want that person to live doesn't mean they have to live up to our expectation, respect their will.
Secondly, don't keep your emotion to yourself. It is perfectly fine to cry when you're sad. It is fine to being fragile at times when things are so hard. You don't have to be strong, don't be so hard to yourself. I came across times where I don't have a space to breathe and to let go of my emotions. I am literally suffocating myself up and make myself miserable af. My advise is that if there's ever anyone who has to deal with separation, be there to listen to their emotion. And yes, all we have to do is to listen to how they feel. It is by acknowledging your emotions that you can deal and move on from there. To not be able to express your emotions is one of the worst feeling on earth, at least for me it is. And it is highly possible that lead to depression.
Thirdly, whatever problems we are facing are minor unless it is related to death. Because there's nothing more important than living a healthy life. If today I have problem with my peers, my boss, my friends, a random driver on road, why do we have to stress ourselves out and putting our energy getting mad at them, or even holding grudges on people who once offended you. I strongly believe that there's nothing more severe than dealing with death, if one problem doesn't cause death, they are very minor to me ever since then. So to be able to let go of putting problems are what I've learned the most.
Now that I've gained so much from dealing with the separation with my beloved dad. It is important for me to keep holding on with all the values he has taught me throughout his entire life. Not only that, it also taught me how to be a grown up and continue to hold my families up at bad times like this. Also, to continue to spread the positivity to people around us. Let's together be a better person and be positive dealing with death. :)
Yours truly,
Yi Ling
*ps: I wrote whatever came into my mind and being very lazy to proofread/correct any grammatical errors. please bear with me and thanks for reading! I hope I am able to spread this positivity to you even with a heavy topic like this.*
It's been awhile. Hope all of you are doing well. And if you're not, it's fine, give yourself some time. :)
2017 has been a major year and life is full of ups and downs ever since then.
2017 was an important year where I finally had the taste of how does it taste like to be an adult.
Growing up just over the night is a hell of nightmare. Life is unplanned, life is short, life is full of surprises. You really never see it coming and when it does, life doesn't give you enough time to swallow, digest and accept whatever reality hits you right at the moment.
There's so much to talked about on my 2017 and it is beyond words to describe what I've went through. I won't say I have gone through the worst, as I believe I should always feel contented with what life is giving me. Even at worst time, there are so much to be grateful for. It is because of there's so much to be grateful for that doesn't make my situation look even worse. I know, and I deeply understand that I am among the lucky ones where even at times like these, people who care shows their love to me and my family.
So, dad passed away at 30th of June, last day of the month. it's been 10 months since then.
Even so, his legacy and beliefs stay. He's been with me physically for the past 25 years and he will still be with me in my heart forever more. The departure of loved ones has taught me so much and I hope this doesn't sound too sad when we talked about departed ones.
My dad once said the stage is all yours now when I got my first permanent job at Cisco. A simple sentence but I can feel so much expectations he is putting on me just by that one simple sentence. It is time for me to shine and to continue do what I believe is the right thing to do. I always believe in spreading the positivity to people surrounding me. I try to stay away from toxic people and just focusing on people who can shed more light on me to be a better self.
The purpose of me writing this is to emphasize that we should all practice on how to deal with separation, especially to people we care. People come and go. Death is such an everyday cycle where it happens every day just like how many babies are born each day. When one is about to leave, we should learn to let go and accept rather than keep holding on, trying to keep that someone to us.
There are so many things I've learned and gained through the 18 last days with my dad.
Firstly, when one is ill, all they deeply wanted is to end this suffering as soon as they can. What hold them back is the family ties they had when they're healthy and alive. As a family member, we should support and respect the will of the patient be it to live or to end this. On my case, my dad's will to live is too strong but his organs condition are seriously not supporting his will and I turned out to be the one who decide if we shall continue to give treatment or not. That's the hardest decision I have made to date! I pray that none of you have to go through this in life. Just because we selfishly want that person to live doesn't mean they have to live up to our expectation, respect their will.
Secondly, don't keep your emotion to yourself. It is perfectly fine to cry when you're sad. It is fine to being fragile at times when things are so hard. You don't have to be strong, don't be so hard to yourself. I came across times where I don't have a space to breathe and to let go of my emotions. I am literally suffocating myself up and make myself miserable af. My advise is that if there's ever anyone who has to deal with separation, be there to listen to their emotion. And yes, all we have to do is to listen to how they feel. It is by acknowledging your emotions that you can deal and move on from there. To not be able to express your emotions is one of the worst feeling on earth, at least for me it is. And it is highly possible that lead to depression.
Thirdly, whatever problems we are facing are minor unless it is related to death. Because there's nothing more important than living a healthy life. If today I have problem with my peers, my boss, my friends, a random driver on road, why do we have to stress ourselves out and putting our energy getting mad at them, or even holding grudges on people who once offended you. I strongly believe that there's nothing more severe than dealing with death, if one problem doesn't cause death, they are very minor to me ever since then. So to be able to let go of putting problems are what I've learned the most.
Now that I've gained so much from dealing with the separation with my beloved dad. It is important for me to keep holding on with all the values he has taught me throughout his entire life. Not only that, it also taught me how to be a grown up and continue to hold my families up at bad times like this. Also, to continue to spread the positivity to people around us. Let's together be a better person and be positive dealing with death. :)
Yours truly,
Yi Ling
*ps: I wrote whatever came into my mind and being very lazy to proofread/correct any grammatical errors. please bear with me and thanks for reading! I hope I am able to spread this positivity to you even with a heavy topic like this.*
Monday, November 14, 2016
Monday, October 3, 2016
The life stage transition thoughts
It's been awhile.
Hello my dear readers, thank you for still coming to my blog and read some random stuffs. Being single for months and not feeling any better about being single. Damn it. Anyway, not going to talk more about being single.
Ever since started working and earning some money for living, I start to ponder the rationale behind earning so much money in life. What can I really do when I have that much money? What do I really want to achieve? Do I even have any dreams? Honestly, no, I don't have a dream now. Traveling around the world is not part of my dream, living in a big house/big car is not my dream. So now, what does the money can do in my life? Probably to buy some stuffs I like. But I don't think I need that much money to buy what I want in life. I just wanted a simple life, a happy life. That's all I want. Seeing people at my age, worrying on the salary they earned and how much saving they can get per month because of all those commitments. I feel like is it themselves who wanted all these or they are in debt because all these are the norms that has long be in the society that suggest us to be. So weird right, if we don't buy a house, does it mean that we wouldn't have a place to stay in the future? Do we really need a bigger/better performance car so that we can reach a destination faster than the others on the road? Haha. Why do we put ourselves to so many commitments that we complained our salary is not even enough for a living? I think peers from the same age as mine aren't like before, even we don't earn enough money to buy ourselves house, we are already living in comfort place, that we called it home. I mean like back to my parents time, I understand they have to buy themselves a car and house because they used to live in a small house with few families under one roof. A car because they used to travel by bicycles/foot/bus. Given the situation we have today, we are already pampered with our own car, own house that our parents have already given to us. Speaking of that, I might be more lucky than the others that my parents have given me a good life. Some people may not be in the same situation as me. Still, I really wonder the sense of urgency and thoughts of wanting to earn more money to own "house/car". Chasing after money to fulfill their life goals. Those who are buying house, is their home too small to accommodate them and their life partner? How come they can be so generous to contribute more than 50% of their salary to pay loans for houses and cars? Is it only me that I think it is not worth the money? It is like once you commit to buy a house, you're in debt for at least 30 years and half of your salary are going to it. So you worked so hard in life for the so called shelter. I might be very sensitive with cashing out my salary, but why? Bringing this back to my what I'm thinking lately is that, I found out that I am not motivated to strive for my career, I am not motivated by the money I can earn, so if I'm not motivated by the money, what else can motivate me to work harder? And maybe the reason is because I don't have a dream, I am living very comfortably with all I already have in life and I don't need anything more than that.
Just some thoughts and some may find what I wrote very sarcastic. I just write whatever comes to my mind. Poor blogging skills, poor writing skills. The writing skills really deteriorate like hell when we stop writing. Ahh. Life. Oh. Life.
Cheers!
Hello my dear readers, thank you for still coming to my blog and read some random stuffs. Being single for months and not feeling any better about being single. Damn it. Anyway, not going to talk more about being single.
Ever since started working and earning some money for living, I start to ponder the rationale behind earning so much money in life. What can I really do when I have that much money? What do I really want to achieve? Do I even have any dreams? Honestly, no, I don't have a dream now. Traveling around the world is not part of my dream, living in a big house/big car is not my dream. So now, what does the money can do in my life? Probably to buy some stuffs I like. But I don't think I need that much money to buy what I want in life. I just wanted a simple life, a happy life. That's all I want. Seeing people at my age, worrying on the salary they earned and how much saving they can get per month because of all those commitments. I feel like is it themselves who wanted all these or they are in debt because all these are the norms that has long be in the society that suggest us to be. So weird right, if we don't buy a house, does it mean that we wouldn't have a place to stay in the future? Do we really need a bigger/better performance car so that we can reach a destination faster than the others on the road? Haha. Why do we put ourselves to so many commitments that we complained our salary is not even enough for a living? I think peers from the same age as mine aren't like before, even we don't earn enough money to buy ourselves house, we are already living in comfort place, that we called it home. I mean like back to my parents time, I understand they have to buy themselves a car and house because they used to live in a small house with few families under one roof. A car because they used to travel by bicycles/foot/bus. Given the situation we have today, we are already pampered with our own car, own house that our parents have already given to us. Speaking of that, I might be more lucky than the others that my parents have given me a good life. Some people may not be in the same situation as me. Still, I really wonder the sense of urgency and thoughts of wanting to earn more money to own "house/car". Chasing after money to fulfill their life goals. Those who are buying house, is their home too small to accommodate them and their life partner? How come they can be so generous to contribute more than 50% of their salary to pay loans for houses and cars? Is it only me that I think it is not worth the money? It is like once you commit to buy a house, you're in debt for at least 30 years and half of your salary are going to it. So you worked so hard in life for the so called shelter. I might be very sensitive with cashing out my salary, but why? Bringing this back to my what I'm thinking lately is that, I found out that I am not motivated to strive for my career, I am not motivated by the money I can earn, so if I'm not motivated by the money, what else can motivate me to work harder? And maybe the reason is because I don't have a dream, I am living very comfortably with all I already have in life and I don't need anything more than that.
Just some thoughts and some may find what I wrote very sarcastic. I just write whatever comes to my mind. Poor blogging skills, poor writing skills. The writing skills really deteriorate like hell when we stop writing. Ahh. Life. Oh. Life.
Cheers!
Sunday, May 22, 2016
Inside out
Felt like I need a space to breath.
Even if I look okay in the outside, doesn't mean that I'm good in the inside. I just don't feel like spreading the negativity to people around me. It haunts me every time I think of you, think of us, think of how we fell in love, think of all the times we shared be it the good and the bad. Every place, every corner, there's memories with you in it. Tell me if there's a way to forget all the stuffs and not missing any single piece of it. Tell me if there's a way to accept all that happened and accept the fact that we're not together anymore. Tell me if time is the only way to heal what has broken. I am not okay, but what does it mean. Only when we're not together, that I found out you meant so much to me, that I realized the value of us being together, how much you've changed me, how much I needed someone to be there. Not physically but mentally attached. The existence of someone to lean on, to be there to give the comfort and care. There's something that can't be replaced, which is you and what you've made me believe. Knowing someone who loved me for who I am, how am I going to let go when deep down I still care so much, misses you so much and love you so much. I'm devastated inside, but what can I do? For all the time I've given my best in any relationship in life, I didn't got what I think I truly deserve. I thought I've worked hard enough, I thought that nothing can beats true love, true feelings. Why is it that has to end in such a way, a way that I never ever thought it could be, or maybe I did? I literally believed all that you said, all those promises, all those forever, and all those little stuffs that made me thought we can go till the end. I had fallen too hard on these that I am so afraid that if I bring it out from the inside, it would broke myself into pieces.
I just couldn't be positive, honestly, I feel worthless. A better person in the future, really? I lost hope, seriously.
Let me be, I will be okay.
Even if I look okay in the outside, doesn't mean that I'm good in the inside. I just don't feel like spreading the negativity to people around me. It haunts me every time I think of you, think of us, think of how we fell in love, think of all the times we shared be it the good and the bad. Every place, every corner, there's memories with you in it. Tell me if there's a way to forget all the stuffs and not missing any single piece of it. Tell me if there's a way to accept all that happened and accept the fact that we're not together anymore. Tell me if time is the only way to heal what has broken. I am not okay, but what does it mean. Only when we're not together, that I found out you meant so much to me, that I realized the value of us being together, how much you've changed me, how much I needed someone to be there. Not physically but mentally attached. The existence of someone to lean on, to be there to give the comfort and care. There's something that can't be replaced, which is you and what you've made me believe. Knowing someone who loved me for who I am, how am I going to let go when deep down I still care so much, misses you so much and love you so much. I'm devastated inside, but what can I do? For all the time I've given my best in any relationship in life, I didn't got what I think I truly deserve. I thought I've worked hard enough, I thought that nothing can beats true love, true feelings. Why is it that has to end in such a way, a way that I never ever thought it could be, or maybe I did? I literally believed all that you said, all those promises, all those forever, and all those little stuffs that made me thought we can go till the end. I had fallen too hard on these that I am so afraid that if I bring it out from the inside, it would broke myself into pieces.
I just couldn't be positive, honestly, I feel worthless. A better person in the future, really? I lost hope, seriously.
Let me be, I will be okay.
Friday, October 31, 2014
A short and sweet escape to Japan!
It's been a long time since I update my blog with pictures and some daily updates on what I've done.
So, here's some pictures that I would like to share with you, my dear friends :)
This time, I've finally utilize a bit more of my digital camera and manage to capture some moments for me to reminisce the beautiful and full of culture, Japan!
During the previous mid-term break, I've been to Osaka and Tokyo for 5 days 4 nights. Not forgetting spending two nights on travelling to and fro, we only left 3 days to explore Osaka and Tokyo. I swear, I really really love Japan, every single bits of it. The strong culture that they still preserved until today has made this country so unique and wonderful in its way. Immersing myself into the Japanese way, making me feel so reluctant to get back to the reality back here.
From the town planning, people, food, weather, architecture, transport, I would say I have no complaint on any of it as a tourist there. People are friendly and they had always try their best to assist tourists in all kinds of way. I am so impressed for the way they treat customers with full of respects and sincerity.
Stop the talking now and I'll let the pictures to do its part! :D
And that pretty sum up my short trip to Japan, would definitely come back to this lovely city in the near future! I love the life there, even being a free and easy tourist, we manage to experience showering in their Internet Cafe/ Manga Cafe just because we spend the night on bus travelling from Osaka to Tokyo. What an experience!
Before I end, I hope you guys love my post! It takes me quite some time to edit and write this after so long long time. :D
So, here's some pictures that I would like to share with you, my dear friends :)
This time, I've finally utilize a bit more of my digital camera and manage to capture some moments for me to reminisce the beautiful and full of culture, Japan!
During the previous mid-term break, I've been to Osaka and Tokyo for 5 days 4 nights. Not forgetting spending two nights on travelling to and fro, we only left 3 days to explore Osaka and Tokyo. I swear, I really really love Japan, every single bits of it. The strong culture that they still preserved until today has made this country so unique and wonderful in its way. Immersing myself into the Japanese way, making me feel so reluctant to get back to the reality back here.
From the town planning, people, food, weather, architecture, transport, I would say I have no complaint on any of it as a tourist there. People are friendly and they had always try their best to assist tourists in all kinds of way. I am so impressed for the way they treat customers with full of respects and sincerity.
Stop the talking now and I'll let the pictures to do its part! :D
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| The-must-selfie while boarding, the hair and skin still look good on the first day! :D |
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| This trip wouldn't be a dream come true without my dear parents' supports |
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| After so many years, I still have some skills to use the digital camera for a wefie, not so bad right? |
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| I love my G-Shock! Nice not? |
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| My first In-flight meal flying with Air Asia X, the very nice Nasi Lemak! |
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| A one night stay in Bonsai Guest House, Osaka! I am satisfied with the facilities provided by this Guesthouse. |
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| The pretty cousin who is still available, interested? :D |
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| Add caption |
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| Mum and dad choosing the very fresh and sweet persimmon! My mum is a big fan of it. |
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| Kuromon Ichiba Market - This place is a gem! Must-visit-tourist attraction, they have very fresh and nice seafood, & KOBE BEEF (I would never forget the taste, I would come back for more!!!) |
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| Spotted the cute dog in the Kuromon Ichiba Market! |
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| The Baseball Field in Osaka Castle Park. |
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| The travelers :) |
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| Tadaa! Me with my shades on, hah! |
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| The pricey macha and peach ice cream we had in Osaka Castle |
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| There's a Samurai procession when we were in Osaka Castle. |
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| with the beautiful night view of Osaka City at Umeda Sky Building |
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| The connecting escalator, we dare not look down while taking it. |
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| We got to witness the wedding ceremony at Meiji Shrine at Tokyo! Guess it is common to held wedding ceremony in Japanese Temple. |
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| The cute little girl with her Kimono |
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| The bride and groom! There were 3 couples on the day we visit the shrine. |
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| the newly wed and their big family photo session. |
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| Ichiran Ramen, I would say it is the best Ramen we had, they have english order menu. |
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| They have very special style running this Ramen Restaurant, you press the bell and they will come and take order from you. Before you enter, you choose your seats according to the lights which shows the availability of seats and the specific row. |
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| Shibuya crossing. Lots and lots of people from everywhere. |
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| Tokyo Tower! |
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| Sensoji Temple. Ahh, I love this temple, went there at night with the beautiful lighting. |
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| Finally, our family photo! |
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| fat face, fat me, and the siao po behind (she photoboomed! :( ) |
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| If you can see me :) |
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| Divination at Sensoji Temple |
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| The last dinner in Japan was at the very authentic dining/hang out place where the locals frequent after work. No english menu but we manage to get very nice local delicacies thru the help of a local with his translation. |
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| HAAHAHA!! Probably my favourite vending machine! :DDD |
And that pretty sum up my short trip to Japan, would definitely come back to this lovely city in the near future! I love the life there, even being a free and easy tourist, we manage to experience showering in their Internet Cafe/ Manga Cafe just because we spend the night on bus travelling from Osaka to Tokyo. What an experience!
Before I end, I hope you guys love my post! It takes me quite some time to edit and write this after so long long time. :D
Sunday, June 1, 2014
feel like blogging
Before I start, I intend to write this post in Chinese but I'm kinda lazy. So, let's see how it goes.. :D
随着脸书的热潮，感觉上，大家都渐渐忽略了写部落格的习惯，好像比较喜欢update脸书来记载生命里所发生的点点滴滴。
可是，对我而言，脸书的曝光率太大了，个人不是很喜欢和这么多人分享及曝露我的一切，所以选择不用脸书，也渐渐少了在这里和大家分享的习惯。真的真的很可惜。才发现在这里记在我的一切是多么的重要。真的很重要。
少了写写自己的生活，等于少了记得生命里应该值得和大家分享的，还有自己应该记得的。渐渐忘了如何感恩我所得到的一切，也忘了如何改变心境，如何让自己活得更开心，更知足。
也许，我生命的转折点，改变了不少事情。
也许，在大学遇到的人事物，改变了我如何看待我身边的一切。
还是很想说，我并不喜欢这两年的大学生活，很遗憾的，不管我怎么努力，我改变不了我这个心态。的确，这两年也让我看清了不少事情。在我还很清醒谁是真心对待我的时候，我想要感谢命运对我的眷顾，让我遇见了以下这些人：
我的好朋友，黄典君，还好有你，陪我分担了我在大学面对的一切，无形成了我的避风港。
我的好室友，陈雪琳，谢谢你默默地在我身后陪着我，有你，真的让我很安心。
我的战友们，希望你们知道你们是谁，也不觉得你们会到访这里，不过，真的很开心，可以遇到一班真心对待的大学朋友，很喜欢和你们相处的日子，也很不舍得这短短两年一起冲刺的日子，你们很棒！我很喜欢，也很爱你们！在大学的最大收获，莫过于有缘和你们创造金属与我们的回忆。
我的死党们，也不懂可以那样称呼你们吗，谢谢你们还愿意和钱送我生日礼物。不是忘了谢谢你们，只是觉得时间点有点不适合。很开心认识你们！
我的学弟妹，郑佩晶、黎复庆，你们所对我的好，真的很感动，在大学里遇过最感动的是，感受到你们对我的厚爱，谢谢你们，让我觉得和你们建立的感情，是多么的可靠，那么值得我去珍惜。你们两个都很棒，都让我觉得很骄傲，也庆幸有你们当我的directs！
我的学姐，赖秋好，有你当我的direct, 是多么的值得骄傲，再也很难找到像你那么周到、那么棒的人了。谢谢你无私的爱，还有多我们的宠爱，有你，真的很好！
我的中学朋友们，不管是否有在同一所大学，你们都让我觉得，看到你们，可以很安心的噼里啪啦乱说一通，完全不需要掩饰自己的想法，可以很真的做自己。
我的男朋友， 方艾文，请原谅我的自私，若有一天你受不了，决定离开我，我一定会放手让你走的。我完全可以理解我不值得你爱，也不值得你对我的好、更不值得你在我身上花时间。我知道你真的很爱我，也完全感受到你对我的真心诚意。只是，我太爱自己了， 也很注重自己的感受，把你搞得很茫然，这些我都懂。如果可以，请你认真地了解我，明白我需要的都是精神层面的交流和沟通而已。我也明白了，我需要的不是男朋友，而是了解我比我还了解自己的好朋友而已。
最后少不了无缘成为朋友的人，谢谢你们，让我看清，我们的友情是如此的脆弱，一碰就破。谢谢你们，让我知道，原以为可以做一辈子的朋友，不一定有着和我一样的信念。谢谢你们，让我感受到，号称朋友，却需要在对方面前戴面具是多么普骗的一件事。很抱歉，我不能陪你们玩这个猜心游戏，我还是喜欢对我坦诚、以及真正愿意和我交心的朋友，而你们，不是。
还有一些想法就是，明白了就算我多么想保护一些人被其他人/组织利用， 看着一些眼前的诱惑，他们还是会随波逐流地浩浩荡荡往你最不希望他们去的地方前进。咳，算了吧，有些人，就是要看到自己流血了，才知道前面是一道墙了。你的用心良苦，他们永远不明白。
ps: 谢谢你们耐心读完了这一篇，你们肯定关心我的，我真的感激万分！你们没有抛弃我！:D
随着脸书的热潮，感觉上，大家都渐渐忽略了写部落格的习惯，好像比较喜欢update脸书来记载生命里所发生的点点滴滴。
可是，对我而言，脸书的曝光率太大了，个人不是很喜欢和这么多人分享及曝露我的一切，所以选择不用脸书，也渐渐少了在这里和大家分享的习惯。真的真的很可惜。才发现在这里记在我的一切是多么的重要。真的很重要。
少了写写自己的生活，等于少了记得生命里应该值得和大家分享的，还有自己应该记得的。渐渐忘了如何感恩我所得到的一切，也忘了如何改变心境，如何让自己活得更开心，更知足。
也许，我生命的转折点，改变了不少事情。
也许，在大学遇到的人事物，改变了我如何看待我身边的一切。
还是很想说，我并不喜欢这两年的大学生活，很遗憾的，不管我怎么努力，我改变不了我这个心态。的确，这两年也让我看清了不少事情。在我还很清醒谁是真心对待我的时候，我想要感谢命运对我的眷顾，让我遇见了以下这些人：
我的好朋友，黄典君，还好有你，陪我分担了我在大学面对的一切，无形成了我的避风港。
我的好室友，陈雪琳，谢谢你默默地在我身后陪着我，有你，真的让我很安心。
我的战友们，希望你们知道你们是谁，也不觉得你们会到访这里，不过，真的很开心，可以遇到一班真心对待的大学朋友，很喜欢和你们相处的日子，也很不舍得这短短两年一起冲刺的日子，你们很棒！我很喜欢，也很爱你们！在大学的最大收获，莫过于有缘和你们创造金属与我们的回忆。
我的死党们，也不懂可以那样称呼你们吗，谢谢你们还愿意和钱送我生日礼物。不是忘了谢谢你们，只是觉得时间点有点不适合。很开心认识你们！
我的学弟妹，郑佩晶、黎复庆，你们所对我的好，真的很感动，在大学里遇过最感动的是，感受到你们对我的厚爱，谢谢你们，让我觉得和你们建立的感情，是多么的可靠，那么值得我去珍惜。你们两个都很棒，都让我觉得很骄傲，也庆幸有你们当我的directs！
我的学姐，赖秋好，有你当我的direct, 是多么的值得骄傲，再也很难找到像你那么周到、那么棒的人了。谢谢你无私的爱，还有多我们的宠爱，有你，真的很好！
我的中学朋友们，不管是否有在同一所大学，你们都让我觉得，看到你们，可以很安心的噼里啪啦乱说一通，完全不需要掩饰自己的想法，可以很真的做自己。
我的男朋友， 方艾文，请原谅我的自私，若有一天你受不了，决定离开我，我一定会放手让你走的。我完全可以理解我不值得你爱，也不值得你对我的好、更不值得你在我身上花时间。我知道你真的很爱我，也完全感受到你对我的真心诚意。只是，我太爱自己了， 也很注重自己的感受，把你搞得很茫然，这些我都懂。如果可以，请你认真地了解我，明白我需要的都是精神层面的交流和沟通而已。我也明白了，我需要的不是男朋友，而是了解我比我还了解自己的好朋友而已。
最后少不了无缘成为朋友的人，谢谢你们，让我看清，我们的友情是如此的脆弱，一碰就破。谢谢你们，让我知道，原以为可以做一辈子的朋友，不一定有着和我一样的信念。谢谢你们，让我感受到，号称朋友，却需要在对方面前戴面具是多么普骗的一件事。很抱歉，我不能陪你们玩这个猜心游戏，我还是喜欢对我坦诚、以及真正愿意和我交心的朋友，而你们，不是。
还有一些想法就是，明白了就算我多么想保护一些人被其他人/组织利用， 看着一些眼前的诱惑，他们还是会随波逐流地浩浩荡荡往你最不希望他们去的地方前进。咳，算了吧，有些人，就是要看到自己流血了，才知道前面是一道墙了。你的用心良苦，他们永远不明白。
ps: 谢谢你们耐心读完了这一篇，你们肯定关心我的，我真的感激万分！你们没有抛弃我！:D
Monday, April 7, 2014
When Odelia Ooi meets Stephanie Sun
Sun Yan Zi sticks her head to Ooi Dean Jiun
smaller version but clearer
blur version but bigger one.
Or just tell me what kind of sizes you want, perhaps? Hahahaha.
Or just tell me what kind of sizes you want, perhaps? Hahahaha.
Stephanie Sun hugs Odelia Ooi
So buddy, hope you enjoy and like this! Glad that we have made it to KL, to meet your Idol for life.
Thank God for all the unexpected surprises and the chances to interact with your Idol.
So happy and proud of you on stage! :D
And this is my very first GIF image for my very BEST FRIEND!
*lipstick putting on*
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Cheer up! Life's getting better.
Hey Yi Ling Tan, now you see, life's getting better and better.
Do remember that don't give up so easily on life.
There are a lot of people who still cares about you.
You have tonnes of awesome friends and world best family members one could ever had.
The one and only boyfriend who will always be by your side and the best roommates ever.
You have friends from far who still remember you on your birthday.
You have friends who will always fulfill your wishes on your birthday.
You have a good car to drive, so why worry?
Just live up your head, smile to the world, and live happily!
I don't wanna see you frown, so cheer up okay? :)))
Do remember that don't give up so easily on life.
There are a lot of people who still cares about you.
You have tonnes of awesome friends and world best family members one could ever had.
The one and only boyfriend who will always be by your side and the best roommates ever.
You have friends from far who still remember you on your birthday.
You have friends who will always fulfill your wishes on your birthday.
You have a good car to drive, so why worry?
Just live up your head, smile to the world, and live happily!
I don't wanna see you frown, so cheer up okay? :)))
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