loml :)

- loml -

By that title, I meant I have recently found the love of my life. 

When everything feels right and I finally found someone I can really be myself when I'm with him. 

He never make me feel any less and attention just came to me even without me asking and begging for. 

It has been awhile since I felt so much treasured and adored by somebody. 

Loving every moment spent with him and really want to do life together, even it may comes with hardship and challenges. 

The hand that I want to held on, the shoulder I want to lean on, for the rest of my life. 

He came into my life and made me feel so much being cared, loved, secured, and comforted. 

So loml, are you ready for me to cLingwithLiew for the days to come? :D 

Loving the matching outfit. First road trip has been great undeniably. 

Ke yi bu yao act cute ma?

This will be my favourite pose!

Awww, just see how we look at each other. 

First KL trip.

I really love us in the batik outfit.

- LoveLiewLikeIDo -

And so you are the reason I'm updating my blog 

Thank you for loving me for who I am. 

I feel so worthy and blessed to have you in my life, it has never been this nice until I met you, really. 

You're mine and I will always be yours, too.

FML

I’m struggling so much, not knowing what is best to do and not to do. Why is that someone who claims or supposed to be the closest one could react and do things which are out of mind / insane/ unreasonable/ threatening/ guilt-tripping/ emotional sabotage? It puzzles me how you’ve been reacting and all the decisions you made that further distancing us. Do you really love me or want me to be well for who I am? Am I something that you own and have to obey to everything you said? Why is it that you never try to listen or understand where I am coming from and you are the only victim? Just because I didnt turn out to be who you wanted me to be, I am deemed as rude, disrespectful and shitty? Have you ever try to hear me out? Why do you want so much control over me and my life? Why do I need to feel bad for things that has happened? Do you really want the best for me? Home is not a place I feel safe and want to be in. Why do I need to live in so much fear at my own house? I’m tired, drained, exhausted, and in despair. You just never ever see what we see and only want things to be your way. Really really toxic as an adult and never understand why and where were coming from. 

I’m fucked up. 😢 

也许

To My Dear Hero: Goodbye and Hello

Dear all,

It's been awhile. Hope all of you are doing well. And if you're not, it's fine, give yourself some time. :)
2017 has been a major year and life is full of ups and downs ever since then.
2017 was an important year where I finally had the taste of how does it taste like to be an adult.
Growing up just over the night is a hell of nightmare. Life is unplanned, life is short, life is full of surprises. You really never see it coming and when it does, life doesn't give you enough time to swallow, digest and accept whatever reality hits you right at the moment.

There's so much to talked about on my 2017 and it is beyond words to describe what I've went through. I won't say I have gone through the worst, as I believe I should always feel contented with what life is giving me. Even at worst time, there are so much to be grateful for. It is because of there's so much to be grateful for that doesn't make my situation look even worse. I know, and I deeply understand that I am among the lucky ones where even at times like these, people who care shows their love to me and my family.

So, dad passed away at 30th of June, last day of the month. it's been 10 months since then.
Even so, his legacy and beliefs stay. He's been with me physically for the past 25 years and he will still be with me in my heart forever more. The departure of loved ones has taught me so much and I hope this doesn't sound too sad when we talked about departed ones.

My dad once said the stage is all yours now when I got my first permanent job at Cisco. A simple sentence but I can feel so much expectations he is putting on me just by that one simple sentence. It is time for me to shine and to continue do what I believe is the right thing to do. I always believe in spreading the positivity to people surrounding me. I try to stay away from toxic people and just focusing on people who can shed more light on me to be a better self.

The purpose of me writing this is to emphasize that we should all practice on how to deal with separation, especially to people we care. People come and go. Death is such an everyday cycle where it happens every day just like how many babies are born each day. When one is about to leave, we should learn to let go and accept rather than keep holding on, trying to keep that someone to us.

There are so many things I've learned and gained through the 18 last days with my dad.
Firstly, when one is ill, all they deeply wanted is to end this suffering as soon as they can. What hold them back is the family ties they had when they're healthy and alive. As a family member,  we should support and respect the will of the patient be it to live or to end this. On my case, my dad's will to live is too strong but his organs condition are seriously not supporting his will and I turned out to be the one who decide if we shall continue to give treatment or not. That's the hardest decision I have made to date! I pray that none of you have to go through this in life. Just because we selfishly want that person to live doesn't mean they have to live up to our expectation, respect their will.

Secondly, don't keep your emotion to yourself. It is perfectly fine to cry when you're sad. It is fine to being fragile at times when things are so hard. You don't have to be strong, don't be so hard to yourself. I came across times where I don't have a space to breathe and to let go of my emotions. I am literally suffocating myself up and make myself miserable af. My advise is that if there's ever anyone who has to deal with separation, be there to listen to their emotion. And yes, all we have to do is to listen to how they feel. It is by acknowledging your emotions that you can deal and move on from there. To not be able to express your emotions is one of the worst feeling on earth, at least for me it is. And it is highly possible that lead to depression.

Thirdly, whatever problems we are facing are minor unless it is related to death. Because there's nothing more important than living a healthy life. If today I have problem with my peers, my boss, my friends, a random driver on road, why do we have to stress ourselves out and putting our energy getting mad at them, or even holding grudges on people who once offended you. I strongly believe that there's nothing more severe than dealing with death, if one problem doesn't cause death, they are very minor to me ever since then. So to be able to let go of putting problems are what I've learned the most.

Now that I've gained so much from dealing with the separation with my beloved dad. It is important for me to keep holding on with all the values he has taught me throughout his entire life. Not only that, it also taught me how to be a grown up and continue to hold my families up at bad times like this. Also, to continue to spread the positivity to people around us. Let's together be a better person and be positive dealing with death. :)

Yours truly,
Yi Ling


*ps: I wrote whatever came into my mind and being very lazy to proofread/correct any grammatical errors. please bear with me and thanks for reading! I hope I am able to spread this positivity to you even with a heavy topic like this.*

I miss you. I miss everything.

*if and only if that could change anything*

:(

The life stage transition thoughts

It's been awhile.

Hello my dear readers, thank you for still coming to my blog and read some random stuffs. Being single for months and not feeling any better about being single. Damn it. Anyway, not going to talk more about being single.

Ever since started working and earning some money for living, I start to ponder the rationale behind earning so much money in life. What can I really do when I have that much money? What do I really want to achieve? Do I even have any dreams? Honestly, no, I don't have a dream now. Traveling around the world is not part of my dream, living in a big house/big car is not my dream. So now, what does the money can do in my life? Probably to buy some stuffs I like. But I don't think I need that much money to buy what I want in life. I just wanted a simple life, a happy life. That's all I want. Seeing people at my age, worrying on the salary they earned and how much saving they can get per month because of all those commitments. I feel like is it themselves who wanted all these or they are in debt because all these are the norms that has long be in the society that suggest us to be. So weird right, if we don't buy a house, does it mean that we wouldn't have a place to stay in the future? Do we really need a bigger/better performance car so that we can reach a destination faster than the others on the road? Haha. Why do we put ourselves to so many commitments that we complained our salary is not even enough for a living? I think peers from the same age as mine aren't like before, even we don't earn enough money to buy ourselves house, we are already living in comfort place, that we called it home. I mean like back to my parents time, I understand they have to buy themselves a car and house because they used to live in a small house with few families under one roof. A car because they used to travel  by bicycles/foot/bus. Given the situation we have today, we are already pampered with our own car, own house that our parents have already given to us. Speaking of that, I might be more lucky than the others that my parents have given me a good life. Some people may not be in the same situation as me. Still, I really wonder the sense of urgency and thoughts of wanting to earn more money to own "house/car". Chasing after money to fulfill their life goals. Those who are buying house, is their home too small to accommodate them and their life partner? How come they can be so generous to contribute more than 50% of their salary to pay loans for houses and cars? Is it only me that I think it is not worth the money? It is like once you commit to buy a house, you're in debt for at least 30 years and half of your salary are going to it. So you worked so hard in life for the so called shelter. I might be very sensitive with cashing out my salary, but why? Bringing this back to my what I'm thinking lately is that, I found out that I am not motivated to strive for my career, I am not motivated by the money I can earn, so if I'm not motivated by the money, what else can motivate me to work harder? And maybe the reason is because I don't have a dream, I am living very comfortably with all I already have in life and I don't need anything more than that.

Just some thoughts and some may find what I wrote very sarcastic. I just write whatever comes to my mind. Poor blogging skills, poor writing skills. The writing skills really deteriorate like hell when we stop writing. Ahh. Life. Oh. Life.


Cheers!

Inside out

Felt like I need a space to breath.

Even if I look okay in the outside, doesn't mean that I'm good in the inside. I just don't feel like spreading the negativity to people around me. It haunts me every time I think of you, think of us, think of how we fell in love, think of all the times we shared be it the good and the bad. Every place, every corner, there's memories with you in it. Tell me if there's a way to forget all the stuffs and not missing any single piece of it. Tell me if there's a way to accept all that happened and accept the fact that we're not together anymore. Tell me if time is the only way to heal what has broken. I am not okay, but what does it mean. Only when we're not together, that I found out you meant so much to me, that I realized the value of us being together, how much you've changed me, how much I needed someone to be there. Not physically but mentally attached. The existence of someone to lean on, to be there to give the comfort and care. There's something that can't be replaced, which is you and what you've made me believe. Knowing someone who loved me for who I am, how am I going to let go when deep down I still care so much, misses you so much and love you so much. I'm devastated inside, but what can I do? For all the time I've given my best in any relationship in life, I didn't got what I think I truly deserve. I thought I've worked hard enough, I thought that nothing can beats true love, true feelings. Why is it that has to end in such a way, a way that I never ever thought it could be, or maybe I did? I literally believed all that you said, all those promises, all those forever, and all those little stuffs that made me thought we can go till the end. I had fallen too hard on these that I am so afraid that if I bring it out from the inside, it would broke myself into pieces.

I just couldn't be positive, honestly, I feel worthless.  A better person in the future, really? I lost hope, seriously.

Let me be, I will be okay.

A short and sweet escape to Japan!

It's been a long time since I update my blog with pictures and some daily updates on what I've done.
So, here's some pictures that I would like to share with you, my dear friends :)

This time, I've finally utilize a bit more of my digital camera and manage to capture some moments for me to reminisce the beautiful and full of culture, Japan!

During the previous mid-term break, I've been to Osaka and Tokyo for 5 days 4 nights. Not forgetting spending two nights on travelling to and fro, we only left 3 days to explore Osaka and Tokyo. I swear, I really really love Japan, every single bits of it. The strong culture that they still preserved until today has made this country so unique and wonderful in its way. Immersing myself into the Japanese way, making me feel so reluctant to get back to the reality back here.

From the town planning, people, food, weather, architecture, transport, I would say I have no complaint on any of it as a tourist there. People are friendly and they had always try their best to assist tourists in all kinds of way. I am so impressed for the way they treat customers with full of respects and sincerity.

Stop the talking now and I'll let the pictures to do its part! :D

The-must-selfie while boarding, the hair and skin still look good on the first day! :D

This trip wouldn't be a dream come true without my dear parents' supports 

After so many years, I still have some skills to use the digital camera for a wefie, not so bad right? 

I love my G-Shock! Nice not? 

My first In-flight meal flying with Air Asia X, the very nice Nasi Lemak! 

A one night stay in Bonsai Guest House, Osaka! I am satisfied with the facilities provided by this Guesthouse. 

The pretty cousin who is still available, interested? :D 

Add caption

Mum and dad choosing the very fresh and sweet persimmon! My mum is a big fan of it. 

Kuromon Ichiba Market - This place is a gem! Must-visit-tourist attraction, they have very fresh and nice seafood, & KOBE BEEF (I would never forget the taste, I would come back for more!!!)

Spotted the cute dog in the Kuromon Ichiba Market!

The Baseball Field in Osaka Castle Park. 

The travelers :)

Tadaa! Me with my shades on, hah! 

The pricey macha and peach ice cream we had in Osaka Castle

There's a Samurai procession when we were in Osaka Castle.

with the beautiful night view of Osaka City at Umeda Sky Building

The connecting escalator, we dare not look down while taking it.

We got to witness the wedding ceremony at Meiji Shrine at Tokyo! Guess it is common to held wedding ceremony in Japanese Temple.

The cute little girl with her Kimono

The bride and groom! There were 3 couples on the day we visit the shrine. 

the newly wed and their big family photo session.

Ichiran Ramen, I would say it is the best Ramen we had, they have english order menu.

They have very special style running this Ramen Restaurant, you press the bell and they will come and take order from you. Before you enter, you choose your seats according to the lights which shows the availability of seats and the specific row. 

Shibuya crossing. Lots and lots of people from everywhere. 

Tokyo Tower! 

Sensoji Temple. Ahh, I love this temple, went there at night with the beautiful lighting. 

Finally, our family photo! 

fat face, fat me, and the siao po behind (she photoboomed! :( )

If you can see me :)

Divination at Sensoji Temple

The last dinner in Japan was at the very authentic dining/hang out place where the locals frequent after work. No english menu but we manage to get very nice local delicacies thru the help of a local with his translation. 

HAAHAHA!! Probably my favourite vending machine! :DDD

And that pretty sum up my short trip to Japan, would definitely come back to this lovely city in the near future! I love the life there, even being a free and easy tourist, we manage to experience showering in their Internet Cafe/ Manga Cafe just because we spend the night on bus travelling from Osaka to Tokyo. What an experience!

Before I end, I hope you guys love my post! It takes me quite some time to edit and write this after so long long time. :D