something that I should at least be greatful

Throughout this whole semester, it seems that there are so many unhappy moments that I've gone through.

In fact, I didn't give up on any of my task and basically, I'm trying my best to do the best I can.

I contributed and given my best commitment which I thought it could repay me with something worthy. However, the reality of this society where people will not remember what so good you have done, but easily, they can condemn you with your mistake. That is an ugly yet sad truth.

And things came out of my expectation, I always thought that we can see one's capabilities from our eyes. However, people always have different perceptions on things, so that is beyond my control. And I shall stop my comment on that.

There are so many times where I thought my friends can be very frank with me, but all I heard was from people's mouth regarding how they actually felt. Guess they wanted to, but they know they shouldn't. Hey, I have the rights to know and what are true friends when things turn out to be not so true?

To be frank, I didn't stay in  my hostel anymore and I left my room mate crying for nights. So, you can say I am a bad room mate? I will leave that to you. but do remember, everything happens for a reason. Anyway, this is not going to distance me and my room mate. Remember I told you, we look for long term not only short term kay, sueling tan?

Have you ever felt like people taking you for granted and you don't feel appreciated when you have done something good for people? Do you continue giving the best you can, or you stop doing so?

Only two semester left, I shall not quit as I've given so much to my society. Not worth to do it now, no matter how tough it will be, I shall stay and try my best to make things right. I know I hated so much on the stressful life I had during the last two semester, what should I be afraid of when the worst had already passed. I want to be happy with life, running away from problem is not the way to solve problems. Come on, it is just a small obstacle in front of me, I believe I can do much better on that.

For my peers who wanted to leave, I wish them the best for their decision. I should respect it, though deep down I really don't want any of them to quit. Do you guys still remember how did we actually become close friends in uni, and what had once make us feel so united to be in a circle? I just want to look things on a brighter side. I realized I've been so much negative ever since I started my so called university life.

I understand their reasons for quitting because I was one of them who had the thought, too. It is a norm like you just remember all those awful moments which had made you so damn frustrated but you've forgotten what had once make you feel happy.  It is the same as the ugly truth I've stated above. When there is no hope, we have the power to light up the situation. So, it all depends on us. We have the power to change.

Till now, I've run away so far from my title which I planned to write. I felt so greatful that I still have my dearest man to be with me in all the hard times. I couldn't love you less for you are the one who had given so much to me. And now, you might think, nah, your blog post is about Ivan again?! No, you are absolutely wrong. I just wanted to be greatful for what I had. Also, to my parents, who are always there to help me out.

Actually, I feel happy with my mid term grades. Although it is just a mid term, it still an achievement for me. I hope I will have the urge to continue to strive until my final. Ooops. No, I haven't started my revision. Shall claim something from my parents. :P All I did was last minute work for my midterm but it proves that short term memory helps much in answering questions.

Indeed, I feel lost, still. But, I'm finding my way back. Guess I deserve a LIKE for this post? You guys keep on giving me NO LIKE for quite some time already.

I wish everyone in every stage of their life the very best in  everything you do. When you feel like giving up, remember to think about the reason why you hold on for so long.

pieces of shit

I just need a way, a direction.

I don't wanna live up with people's expectation, but why is it so hard to do?

Can I just don't give a damn on that?

I don't like it when people tends to hide their true feelings, come on, tell me and i'll feel better. 

Why talk to me so mean? It hurts so much inside.

Feel so damn awful without knowing the reason why.

I thought we were all true to each other?

Damn it. Hate it. Screw it.

请珍惜你还没上大学的生活

上了大学，才发现：

1. 中学生活是多么多么的爽，幸好我有珍惜那些日子。

2. 大学生活充实到你不能想象的地步，意义未知。

3. 旧朋友的踏实、真诚、好相处，这点并不代表大学交不到知心朋友。只是，两者还是有差。

4. 大学生在十二点可以就床入睡时很神奇的事，十二点？！这么早？！

5. 大学生的生活消费真的很高。

6. 忙活动忙到自己觉得自找麻烦，会瞬间很想把全部的事情抛掉，安份的做一位平凡的学生就好。可是，无可否认，在大学时，也很需要建立自己的个人简历，社交，其他等等的能力。

7. 中学的课本是如此的薄，简说又有重点，易懂，废话又少。以前的我，尽然还嫌中学课本文字太多，图画太少。

8. 上了大学，最厉害的是，在一天内，读完半本课本，高达 200-300 页数。读完后，也不懂自己读了什么，资料一大堆，又读不到重点，以为我们真的很神酱？考完试又不讨论，只会做 kertas tertutup, 就凭你希望题目可以再循环，你就可以不用让学生知道自己在考试犯的错?! 你的试考来做么？！就只为了你要交的学生成绩单，只为了考试而考试，不用考更好，我呸！

9. 就因为大学是被中央政府管制的，州政府的钱我们就不可以拿？！ 一切和槟州政府的人都不可以踏进学校？！政治话题不能被讨论，学校撑中央政府，学生是不是也一定要“假假”支持中央政府？！这样的烂规矩也可以行得通！我呸！这更本就不是我在 P.A 课本所学到的！

10. 大学生活，尽然剥夺了我那么多的时间，想要好好休息，享受生活，挥霍青春也不能，这也只能怪自己的时间管理做得不好。这点我就认了！

11. 想一想，大学生活，没有一点让我可以觉得开心或欣慰的地方，很可悲。

12. 我的大学生活，过了两个学期，到底我学到了什么，懂了什么，也未知，真的有够可悲。

13. 还是，以前的生活好。至少忙得有价值，几乎没有压力。从来不会让生活带给自己任何压力，感谢充实的大学生活，让我体会到各种各样的精神压力，课业压力，等等说不完的压力。


很开心可以乘机在这里小发泄一下，荒废了我的部落格那么久，真的对常常来关注我的朋友很不好意思，好想念以前一直更新帖子的日子，很多启发，很多在这里成长，记录生活上大大小小的事情的日子。现在，想要花时间经营部落格都难！谢谢你们，读完我的废话。

晚安！ 

ps: 我到底有多久没有好好善用我的相机了啊？我的摄影文件夹好久好久没有更新了？难道我的生活，已经没有可以留下纪念价值的意义了吗？好伤心啊！

these days

What can I say and what can I conclude?

Bring me back to Life? 

Perhaps, me myself can help in this situation. 

Never been so bad with life.

Tired, extremely, mentally. 

Not happy yet satisfied. 

Need some sense of freedom. 

Need some time alone? To sort things out?  

Make things clear?  

Argh. 

Don't come and ask me how am I doing cause I'm not able to answer you too. 

I know what I should do so just leave me alone. 

I just need this place to express myself.

14th day of February

To my dear love, a song for you. <3

I love this song very much you know  :)

No words could ever describe how much you mean to me.

I hoped you love the card I've made for you.

It's the very first time I made a card for someone so special like you.

Thank you for being part of my life.

I wish I could spend more time together with you for the rest of the days.

I'm so looking forward to the day you're coming back to pg.

Let's go dating more often okay? :D

Thank you for the words you've wrote and the phone talks we've made. 

See you my dear!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Lots of Love, 

Yi Ling Tan 

Happy 21st Birthday to My Dearest Boyfriend !!!

Oh it's your day and how can I don't write you a birthday post?

You want it in Chinese again? No way! I'm not going to post it in Chinese cause I think it's really too mushy to write it in Chinese.

It's your 21st birthday but too bad I couldn't be there to celebrate together with you. So sad! :((

By the way, boyfriend ah boyfriend, when do you want to write me a blogpost to express you love to  me huh?

When only are you willing to converse with me in your pro amo huh?

When only can you sing a song for me huh?

Ask you to do something so easy for me got so hard mehhh?

Hana hana, back to some sweet wishes here.

First, I'm really glad that I always have you with me.

You are the only one who make my heartbeats goes @!%#$@^%$&

And also the only one who can make me cry so easily.

I couldn't afford to lose you as you are already irreplaceable in my heart.

No one has ever comes in to my life like the way you did.

What had happened between us is something I never ever imagine it would happened on me.

That's why there's situation where I don't know my role as a girlfriend.

What can I give to you, and what can make us better.

I might be good as a friend but not girlfriend.

I'm here to apologize that sometimes I don't behave rationally and all my immature attitudes. 

You gave me a lot of freedoms which is one of the important thing I need in life.

You treat me so perfectly good like no one else ever did this to me before.

I love the way you accept me for who I am and you never wanna change me.

You are simply too good to be true. 

Words couldn't express how glad I am that we fall for each other.

And no words can show how deep is my love for  you.

I bet we have the same feelings.

I missed you when you're not around and this is my very first time how bad I miss someone.

And I'm so excited that I can see you in two days time!!!

I just miss everything about you.

You made my life so complete. 

I wish we can go as far as we can and we'll love for each other more deeply day by day.

Hey dear, do remember that you can always come to me when you need me and i'll always be there for you

Let us be happy whenever we're together because that's what lover supposed to be ? 

I promise I'll try my best to make you happy every day :))

Thank you for loving me with all your heart.

And I want you to know that, I love you, too, from the bottom of my heart.

Once again, Happy 21st Birthday!
Have fun and do enjoy your day to the fullest!

Love,

e0 tan :P

想你了

请允许我在未来的blogpost写下很多肉麻的话。。。
没办法，有些东西我一定要表达才甘愿。
就在夜深人静的时候，很莫名的想念和你打打闹闹的日子。
只是短短的几天没有你在我身边的日子，就觉得好像少了些什么。
不是不能没有你，只是很希望此时此刻你就在我身边。
其实，再过几天就能够见到你了，也只需再多忍耐一下。
总觉得时间过得很慢, 可不可以每天睁开眼睛，就可以看到你躺在我身边?
从来没有那么想见一个人，从来没有那么想听一个人的声音。
我知道，你在那里也一样很想我。
我, 何得何能值得让你对我那么好,我的人生真的没什么可以埋怨的。
有你的日子，我更幸福了。

方家文，我想你了!
你怎么可以那么惹人爱?!

He's leavin

 

One day left. 

My man is going back to his hometown far far away from here. 

 Hope to see him again in 2 weeks time. 

 :D

Gonna miss him super damn much.

I'm having extraordinary good life with him around.

It's hard to believe I'm being loved so deeply by this man. 

 Hopefully I'll be alright when you're not around. 

Ahhh, it's so hard to see you leave.

Words couldn't express how I feel either.

I just wanna spend more time with him. 

Days with the beloved ones are the best day of my life. 

Take care my dear boyfriend.

Enjoy your sem break in swak and don't forget to miss me when you're free. 

Love you more and more each day <3

not prepared for finals

Sometimes when someone tries to treats you good, all you have to do is to accept it and say thank you. Somehow I notice the reason I'm not blogging for so long is because after start schooling, I rarely have time with myself. To stop and think what kind of people I've become. Because I'm always very occupied and busy with uni life until I have no time for myself. In short, I think less. This study break I really couldn't focus at all. Part of the reason, I finally have time to take a break and a deep breath. To relax and enjoy life. In the meantime, I'm already in holiday mood. Again, I'm gonna study for the sake of my parents not for myself. I'm not even prepared for finals. Still, hopefully I won't die till gai gai. Culture shock, not prepared to study so hard for a first semester management degree course. Excuse la. Slap me. Hahaha.

20122012

In this special 20122012 day that could only happened for once in a life time, I have something to say and to express. Before this day ends, I would like to say with my deepest heart, I'll always be there for you no matter how tough life could be. I have to take this chance to confess before I have any regrets in life. You're irreplaceable, you're true, you're sincere and you're always mine. Love happens when no one ever realize and no one ever knows why. You came into my life and took my breath away. Life turns out to be more meaningful with you by my side. I love to love you and being loved by you. You made me the luckiest girl ever in the world. You're just too good to be true. :) navignoop, I love you and I'll always do <3